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”“I do want to say another thing, and that is, after fifteen years, I am positive that, even without the problems with your hypothalamus, the fact that you received no love, support, or acceptance from your mother had a tremendous impact on your decision-making and your relationship with the women in your life. You substituted your sister’s love and acceptance for your mom’s with disastrous consequences for both of you. Would you like my opinion of the turning point? Of when you began to realize what you were doing and when you started being more, well hedonistic, as opposed to needy?”I thought about it for a second, “When I refused to have sex with Trudy Spencer.”“Oh for the love of ... will you just stop!” she laughed.“Nope. I’ve spent most of my time this week reading my journals. That event got about thirty pages, including a very detailed fantasy.”“You might want to delete that.”“I have others, too.”“It’s one thing to keep your journals; it’s a very different thing to use them as. " Fine. Later." Bye."Ryan laid on his back, staring at the ceiling. His eyes welled up with tears, and he squeezed his eyes shut tight so one rolled out down his face and onto his pillow. Fuck Jen, he said several times. I'm not going to call her back, he promised himself. He stared at his phone, picturing Jen dialing his number right this minute."I'm sorry we fought Ry," she would whine. "I'm sorry I was such a bitch... "Ryan thought of all the things he could say. Then he thought of all the things he could have said differently. He should have calmly asked her how she felt about the letter. He rolled his eyes, thinking he sounded like one of those new-aged psychoanalysts: "Let's all get in touch with our feelings!"He tossed and turned in bed, wishing he could go back in time a few hours. He heard his parents go to bed, heard the dishwasher's quiet hum. He wondered if she was still his girlfriend. She'd said "Fuck you" to him. Did she mean it like, "'fuck you' fuck-you", or like,.
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